Kiddushin 6 - Say what you mean

The standard procedure of getting married is a man saying to a woman, "Behold, you are betrothed to me." But if he uses a different unequivocal formula, it also works. For example, "Behold, you are my wife," "You are my betrothed," and "You are acquired to me" are all valid declarations of kiddushin.

What if he uses expressions that hint at the language of the Torah but can be interpreted otherwise? For example, "You are singled out for me," "You are my helpmate," "My taken one?" The Talmud resolves at least the last question positively because the Torah said, "When a man shall take a woman."

Let's return to the "You are singled out for me" question. What are the exact circumstances here? If they are talking in general about the subject of marriage, and then he gives her the money, even if he does not say anything else, she is betrothed. And if they were not talking about marriage, what is she agreeing to? The answer is that if he is silent, she is indeed betrothed. It is when he adds these words, does he maybe mean to hire her for work? And here, the Talmud does not have an answer.

Art: The Betrothal by Jacobus Buys

Kiddushin 39 - Reward for a Mitzvah is Another Mitzvah

Orlah (prohibition of the first 3 years of a tree's fruit) reads as follows: in Israel, it is forbidden; if in doubt, it is also prohibited. Outside of Israel, one can go to the field where the Orlah tree grows and buy the fruit, provided that one does not see it being picked.

One who performs an extra mitzvah is getting the goodness of performing another mitzvah, and his life is extended to do it. Thus, the reward for a mitzvah is only another mitzvah, except for respect for the parents and sending away the mother bird, for which extended life is promised.

Art: Still Life with Three Birds' Nests  by Vincent van Gogh

Kiddushin 37 - Mitzvot Done in the Land of Israel and Outside

Every commandment that is dependent on the land applies only in the Land of Israel, and every commandment that is not dependent on the land applies both in the Land of Israel and outside the Land, except for the commandments of Orlah (prohibiting first 3 years of tree's fruit) and forbidden mixtures of planting. 

Then why, in connection with the Mitzva of Tefillin, does the Torah say, "And it will come to pass when God brings you to the Land of Canaanaties...?" - It means to say, "Perform this commandment, for on account of it you will merit to enter the Land."

Art: Apple Picking by Homer Winslow

Kiddushin 24 – Tooth and eye

A type of slave designated as “Canaanite slave” is acquired with money and is the property of its owner. Nevertheless, if the master knocks out the slave’s tooth or destroys his eye, whether by accident or on purpose, the slave acquires freedom. Moreover, if the master destroys “a tip of the slave’s limb that does not regenerate,” the slaves also goes free. There are twenty four such “tips”: ten fingers, ten toes, two ears, the nose and the male member. How do we know this? Only the eye and tooth are mentioned in the Torah!?

Well, easy: what is common between an eye and a tooth? The fact that they are exposed to view and they do not regenerate! – Therefore, we will include any other organ that is exposed to view and that does not regenerate, and these are the twenty-four mentioned above.

But we can suggest a counterargument: why do we need to mention a tooth after an eye was mentioned? The eye is in the open, and it does not regenerate. So the eye alone could teach me the lesson, and I would know that a slave goes free when the master knocks out his tooth. If so, why was the tooth mentioned? – To limit freedom to only these two cases!

We can argue back: if only the tooth was mentioned, then I would include even the milk tooth. How do I know that a slave does not go free in this case? – By comparison with an eye, which does not regenerate.

Okay, but then the Torah should have written just the eye! – No, for if it did, I would not include the tooth, since the tooth is not present at birth. Thus, both had to be mentioned, and the other twenty-four members are learned from them.

Art: Self-Portrait With Black Vase And Spread Fingers by Egon Schiele

Kiddushin 10 – Betrothal by relations

A woman can be betrothed by having relations with her, and there are two different ways to derive this, one from the words, "Woman who cohabited with her husband," and another – from "If a man marries a woman or possesses her."

Is there a practical difference between these theoretical derivations? – Imagine that ten men cohabited anally with a betrothed girl who is a virgin. According to the first way of learning, she is still a virgin after each act since only the husband makes her a non-virgin with anal cohabitation; therefore, each man is to be punished by stoning, specified for violating a betrothed virgin. According to the second approach, though, she is a non-virgin after the first act, and the next nine men are subject to a lighter punishment of strangulation.

Exactly what stage of cohabitation accomplishes kiddushin? Typically, for infidelity and prohibited relations, the first stage of relations, member touching (discussed in another place), is considered the act. However, for kiddushin, it is different. Since the man intends complete penetration, he achieves kiddushin only when this is done. Practical difference? – Can he inherit his wife or bury her if he is a Kohen.

Since there are two stages in marriage, betrothal (dedication) and chuppah (bringing the bride into the husband's domain), a question may be asked: if one does betrothal through cohabitation, does it accomplish the second stage of marriage – that is, is the second cohabitation or a chuppah still needed? After multiple arguments back and forth, it is concluded that cohabitation only accomplished betrothal, but a chuppah is still required.

Art: Wedding at the Photographer's by Pascal Adolphe Jean Dagnan-Bouveret

Kiddushin 9 – Betrothal in earnest

To become betrothed (which is considered like complete marriage, except that a chuppah is needed before the couple begins to live together), the woman has to accept a valuable proffered by the groom and tell him that with this, she agrees to become his bride. Let us look at some marginal cases.

If a woman on a cruise takes the betrothal money (a hundred zuz, about $5,000) from the man but immediately throws it overboard the ship, she is not betrothed. But we just said it!? – You might think that – since she would be obligated to return the money if she does not get married – she actually means to accept but tests the husband in his anger management. So the teacher had to tell us that she was not betrothed because she did not voice an agreement.

Another example: a man was drinking in a bar, and a woman came over and said, "Give me a drink." He said, "If I do, will you become betrothed to me?" She replied, "Do pour a drink!" – Here, too, she is not betrothed since she agreed to the drink, not the marriage.

In addition to money or valuables, a man can betroth a woman with a document, where he writes, "With this document, you become betrothed to me." This is derived from other sales laws, and it applies even if the paper on which it is written is not worth anything. Just like a bill of divorce, this document must be written with her in mind.

Finally, one can engage a woman by having relations with her – provided that he announces to the witnesses that this is his intent and then secludes himself with her. This is derived from the words "who cohabited with her husband."

Art: Woman Drinking with Sleeping Soldier by Gerard Ter Borch

Kiddushin 4 – When a man takes a wife

Earlier, we saw one way to derive that marriage can be effected by giving the bride-to-be a ring or another object of value. However, it was based on taking the extra word "money" from a different place in the Torah and applying it to our context.

A more direct way is to take the phrase, "When a man takes a woman and has relations with her... if later he does not like her, he can divorce."" This clearly describes the situation of marriage and uses the word "take." The same word "take" is found when Abraham buys a field from Efron and says, "I gave you the money for the field, take it from me." We thus see that "take" has a meaning of acquiring with money.

Now this calls for some logical acrobatics. Look at a Jewish female slave, who cannot be acquired by having relations with her and is acquired only with money; a wife, who is acquired by relations, is undoubtedly acquired with money! Therefore, we don't need the derivation above at all!!

No, because a Yebamah case disproves this. Look at Yebamah (one's dead brother's wife), whom the remaining brother has to marry. She is acquired by cohabitation – and nevertheless, she is not acquired with money. So the above logic breaks: someone acquired with relations is nevertheless not acquired with money.

However, we can deflect this attack: Yebamah has an inherent weakness in that she is not acquired with a document, whereas a wife is acquired with a document of intent to marry.

Thus, we saw an attack, a deflection of this attack, and then a deflection of this deflection. We see at least why the proof based on the word "take" helps.

Art: The Innkeepers Daughter by Charles Cope West

Kiddushin 3 – Who searches for whom?

It is the way of a man to search after a wife and not the other way around. This is similar to someone who lost a precious stone on a beach. Who searches after whom? Obviously, the one that lost his possession searches for it.

We mentioned that betrothal can be done with money. Why is that so? Furthermore, there is a related law that a father can give his daughter away in marriage when she is young; in that case, the money the groom pays goes to the father.

Both questions have the same, if non-trivial, answer. This is derived from the law of a Jewish slave girl. The father can sell his daughter as a servant. In this case, it is understood that when she grows up, the buyer will take her as a wife or designate her for her son. She goes free if none of these happen, and the Torah adds, "No money!" We already know that "free" means "no money." So we understand that it is in this case that there is no money, but in another related case, there is money. And when is it? When a woman gets married, or when the father gives her away in marriage.

That is exactly what we wanted to demonstrate, that the betrothal which will lead to marriage (chuppah) can be done with money.

Today both events happen under the chuppah in close succession: first, the groom gives money (or a ring) to the bride, then the ceremony is concluded under the chuppah, which symbolizes the new home.

Art: Man in a Smock by Gustave Caillebotte

Kiddushin 2 - Three ways to acquire a woman

A wife can be acquired in one of three ways, and she acquires herself back in one of two ways.

She may be acquired through money, a document of betrothal, or cohabitation. Two witnesses are needed to testify in case of money and document. In case of acquisition by cohabitation (which is not encouraged), the witnesses testify to the declared intention and the seclusion.

She acquires herself back through a Get or through the death of her husband.

Passive use of “she is acquired” instead of “he acquires” teaches that a woman can only be acquired willingly, not against her will.

Art: Marriage Contract by Jan Josef Horemans the Elder

Kiddushin 82 - Conclusion

Rabbi Meir says: "One should always teach his son a clean and easy trade, and he should pray to He to Whom all wealth and possessions belong because there is no trade that does not include indigence and wealth. For poverty is not the result of a trade, nor is wealth the result of a trade; rather, all is per one's merit."

Rabbi Nehorai says: "I put aside every trade in the world, and I teach my son only Torah, for a man benefits from its reward in this world, and the principal remains for him in the World to Come."

The mystical meaning of Kiddushin

The bride is symbolic of Tzedek - righteousness and also of being poor. When given a coin - a prutah - the minimum amount for giving, she symbolizes Tzedakah, charity. She then turns her face to the groom, and this face-to-face meeting, symbolic of God talking to Moses, prepares them for the honor of Chupah.

Art: Bricklayers, From A Series Depicting Trades And Professions by Jan Georg van Vliet

Kiddushin 81 - Don't Scoff at Sinners

Rabbi Akiva was accustomed to scoffing at sinners because he felt it was simple to overcome the temptations of the Evil Inclination if only one desired to do so.

One day Satan appeared to him disguised as a woman, perched atop a palm tree. Rabbi Akiva began to climb to meet "her." When he reached the middle, Satan released him from his grip and said: "Had they not proclaimed in Heaven - 'Be cautious of Rabbi Akiva and his Torah,' - I would have made your life worthless."

Students of Shmuel were careful not to be alone with an animal, but this is usually not required.

Art: Ridolfo Ghirlandaio - Adoration Of The Shepherds

Kiddushin 80 - Seclusion with a Woman

A man may not be secluded even with two women (and certainly not with one) because a woman may hope that her female companion can be convinced to duplicate her act - following the teaching that women's minds are easily swayed.

One may be secluded with two women if his wife is present, and he may even sleep in the same room as them in an inn.

A woman may be secluded with two men if they are of high moral character, but if they aren't, then even with a group of ten, it is not permitted.

Art: Portrait of Caterina Cornaro, Wife of King James II of Cyprus by Titian

Kiddushin 79 - Agent and Father Find Husband for Daughter

If a minor girl's father commissioned an agent to find a husband for her and accept the betrothal money, and the father himself then went and betrothed her to someone, then if the father's betrothal occurred first, it is valid. If the agent's betrothal occurred first, then it is the one that is valid.

If it is unknown whose betrothal occurred first, she can only marry another man if both give her a Get. And if they want, one can give her a Get, and the other can marry her.

Art: Alphonse Daudet & his Daughter by Eugene Carriere

Kiddushin 78 - Parents Testify About Children

If a Kohen cohabits with his sister, he renders her a zonah (someone who engaged in an illicit relationship that is forbidden to her), but he does not render her a chalalah (someone whose child loses Kohanic sanctity). However, if he cohabits with her again, he renders her a chalalah.

If one testifies that his son is a mamzer, and even if both parents say this about a fetus, they are not believed because a man can not testify against himself. But Rabbi Yehudah says that they are believed because a man is believed to say, “This is my first-born son,” and so also about a mamzer.

Art: Child Drinking Milk by Mary Cassatt

Kiddushin 77 - Kosher Kohen

A child born from a union between a Kohen and a woman who is forbidden to him due to his status as a Kohen is not imbued with Kohanic sanctity. He may not perform the Temple service and is not subject to the prohibition against going to the cemetery.

Women prohibited to a Kohen include a divorcee, a convert, and a woman who cohabited with any man whom she is Biblically forbidden to marry.

If a male convert marries a female convert, their daughter is allowed to marry a Kohen.

Art: A Conversation Piece by Lilly Martin Spencer

Kiddushin 76 - Checking the Family Line

A Kohen who wishes to marry a daughter of a Kohen must examine the status of her ancestors: her mother and the mother of her mother, the mother of her mother's father and her mother, the mother of her father and her mother, the mother of her father's father and her mother - but only if there is some evidence of a blemish.

If in that line he finds a Kohen who served at the Altar, or a member of the Sanhedrin, or a public official, or a charity collector, the investigation stops. The latter two are often involved in quarrels, so any blemish in their genealogy is already known.

Art: Four Breton Women At The Seashore by Charles Cotteto

Kiddushin 75 - Those Whose Prohibitions are Uncertain

Rabbi Eliezer says: “Those whose prohibitions are uncertain, such as children born out-of-wedlock from unknown father and foundlings, can not marry each other or those whose prohibitions are certain.” However, the law is not like this but is like the Mishna, which states that they are allowed to marry each other.

Two opinions about Cutheans (dwellers of Shomron): that they were insincere converts driven by fear of lions, and the special Kohamin who mixed with them were unfit, or that they were sincere converts and the special Kohanim among them were the best.

Art: The Lions by Paul Rose

Kiddushin 74 - Who Is To Be Believed

The seller is believed when he states, "I sold the item to this person, and the other person gave me the money against my will" - all the time that the merchandise is still in his possession.

A midwife is believed to tell us who is the firstborn – but only immediately after birth; his mother is believed for the first seven days of his life; his father is always believed because of “...shall recognize the firstborn.”

A mother of a child born out of wedlock is believed if she says that she cohabited with a person who is genealogically fit.

Art: A Woman with her Baby in her Lap by Pieter de Hooch

Kiddushin 73 - Whom Can a Convert Marry?

Rava lectured in Mechuza: "A convert is permitted to marry a daughter of a Kohen." The people of Mechuza loaded him with fine silks. He then taught them: "A convert is permitted to marry a woman who is a mamzer." They told him, "You have ruined the effect of the first statement you made."

Shetuki (his unmarried mother silences him when asked about the identity of his father) should not marry an Israelite of unblemished lineage. Even though he is Kosher, since most of the men who might have been his father are Kosher, this is an additional measure to protect genealogical purity.

Art: Edwin Lord Weeks - The Silk Merchants

Kiddushin 72 - Generations

When R' Akiva died, Rebbi was born. When Rabbi died, Rav Yehudah was born. When Rav Yehudah died, Rava was born. When Rava died, Rav Ashi was born. This teaches you that a righteous person does not depart from the world until another righteous person like him is born, as it is said, "And the sun rises, and the sun sets..." 

Mamzerim will be genealogically pure in the Messianic Era because "I will cast pure water on you, and you will be purified from all your impurities, and from all your defilements, I will purify you."

Art: Cardinal Mazarin at the Deathbed of Eustache Le Sueur by Alexandre Evariste Fragonard